she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm just crazy horny about you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
