Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
