do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it glows. i had to have it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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