I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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