it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
