Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
