U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
