I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
