We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
