I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
