you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
