can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
