Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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