That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
