I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
