I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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