who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
