I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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