Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
