I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your shirt... Was in my pants
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
