around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
