its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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