Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
