yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
