I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just cropdusted the office
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
