i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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