I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You know, be my cock's hype man.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
