i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dear god my vagina.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
