Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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