Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
