just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
