nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
