I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
