it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
