hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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