I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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