You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
