Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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