I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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