I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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