I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
