What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
