this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
