I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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