Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
not ubering you a puppy
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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