I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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