she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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