I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
