first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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