alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
