does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
