i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
