I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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