Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
