How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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