So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
