apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just found puke in my bra..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
