Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
