Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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