do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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