Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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