p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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