I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
