wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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