Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
