Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
