Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
