So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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