how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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