So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
