My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
