how can u be prego again
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
either way he was missing a nipple.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
