I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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