i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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