I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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