Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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