You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need water and some morals
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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