i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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